I am a member of DE BEST (Behavioral and Emotional Support Team). It is a volunteer group. The goal is to provide mental health assistance when a group of individuals in the state experience an emotional tragedy. The Sussex County tornado last year is an example of that.
An example of the kind of thing that might trigger a response is what has been happening with the Los Angeles fires. Many people have been significantly impacted both directly and indirectly.
They will all have to experience the stages of loss. These include denial that things can really have happened. They include anger. They include bargaining. They include mourning. They include the final stage of acceptance.
Everyone reacts differently to those losses. Some of the losses involve loss of loved ones. Some involve loss of property. Some might be loss of a small business operation. The list goes on and on.
There are some approaches to dealing with the individuals that are better than others. The most important one is to be a good listener. Providing advice may not be beneficial. It might actually be harmful. If you have not been in the situation, you cannot know for sure what they are experiencing.
A good example of doing it wrong is using a statement that begins with the words “At least”. That automatically implies that it will be followed by the individual trying to point out something good. However, that something good is from their vantage point. It might not be the same from the affected individual’s standpoint.
The same thing is true of statements like telling them you know how they feel. You clearly do not. Therefore, such statements are not helpful.
Listening means trying to understand. Advice is only needed if it is actually asked for by the individual. A good approach is to tell the person you are sorry about what has happened. Then you can inquire as to what they are feeling. That will give you a chance to know where they are at that particular moment.
For example, they might be stuck in the anger phase of grief. They might be throwing blame at firefighters who are doing their best. They might be throwing blame at public officials who do not have an individual role in what is going on at the level of the fire itself.
They might be concerned about others. They might be frightened about what is going to happen next. They might be wondering how to get their needed medication. Without knowing what they are thinking, you will easily go down the wrong route to help them.
What is important is being there for them. Reaching out to tell them that is important. They might want to talk at a later time. Leaving that door open is important. Letting them know you are there whenever the need arises makes it last beyond the initial contact.
Sometimes specific suggestions might be helpful. There might be a need for food or water. There might be a need for a change of clothing. Again, you have to be listening to learn this.
Survivors’ guilt is an issue for those who have not lost their home. They develop a feeling of “why not me too”? They too have emotions that have to be addressed.
We know that some people feel so hopeless that they might consider suicide. Most people are not in a position to try and talk them down. There are professionals who answer the suicide hotline at 988. Everyone needs to know that number just like they do 911.
It is important for people to know that listening is a skill. It is also important for Delaware citizens to know that the State recognizes the need to be prepared and has created a group of trained volunteers to assist if a situation arises.